When I get in my car, I get a notification that pops up from Maps: “3 hrs until Home”.
In my GPS settings, my Virginia address is still programmed as “Home”. Those are the little things that I didn’t expect to trigger emotion once I landed in my new city. The first time I noticed it happen, just 3 days after moving, it brought me to tears. I was no longer 5 minutes away from my best friend or 10 minutes away from my grandma and parents. 3 weeks later it still pops up and I can’t figure out if I’m too lazy to search how to change it, or if I’m still hanging on to calling Virginia my home.
Next week it’ll be a month since I left, and I don’t feel much different yet. I’m still me, but facing new challenges and seeking adventure in a new place. Right now, thankfully, my only challenges are second guessing my GPS and having to turn around in random parking lots to get back on track. If I’m unsure, I often take the wrong turn because all of a sudden 0.3 miles becomes 450 feet, and now Maps is rolling its eyes at me. “Rerouting,” it says on my phone. I’m sure there’s a line of cars behind me at this point annoyed with the anxious driver with Virginia plates.
In Roanoke, I could get around town with my eyes closed. Everything was so familiar. It was rare I paid attention to my city when I was driving. Now I have to force myself not to look at everything I pass. There’s so much new to take in.
One thing I’m finding myself having to get used to is the number of choices I have. With food, stores, and even the route I take. There’s so many things to see and do that when I start to think about it I get overwhelmed.
I imagined a much different blog post before I moved but I struggled to write how I felt during the moving process. I cried daily because of the stress and the emotion of saying goodbye. I knew it wasn’t a forever goodbye, but that wasn’t what made me cry. I was often moved to tears thinking about my support system and how I’m so fortunate to have. Oh and I also cried because the physical act of moving sucks. Moving sucks (let me repeat) but the end result has been wonderful.
Maybe one day I’ll talk about my experience of how I finally moved away from my hometown. How I never thought I’d make it out, but here I am. Today, I’m just feeling grateful. I miss my family but I’m grateful I have people to miss. I miss my friends, but I’m grateful they have some place to visit one day. I miss being familiar with a place, and yet I’m so grateful that I have this opportunity to be uncomfortable. To make new friends, find my place in a new community, and overall grow as a person. I’m so proud of myself for putting myself out there and ready for what’s to come.
My 20s started with much self doubt, insecurity, anxiety, and fear. Honestly, that lasted through most of the last 10 years. Little by little, I learned to love myself better. To forgive myself. To try at something even if I’m not perfect. I made mistakes and more are probably still to come. I love with my heart on my sleeve and as many heartbreaks I’ve had, I hope I continue to put myself out there and love again.
I don’t know what the next weeks, months, or even years bring. I have goals I want to reach and trips to plan, but I’m not obsessing over where I’ll be this time next year. It’s time for me to drive without a map for a while and just enjoy the ride. Even with the best directions, I could still take a wrong turn. But no matter how long it takes, I’ll still find my way home.
Chantal Johnson 