Black women learn of their expectations very young. We learn to code switch when speaking in certain groups. If we are emotional, we know the risk of showing it and how it can be labeled. If we are tired and need rest, we know that we have to push ourselves to keep going. We learn to give up so much of ourselves without the expectation of getting anything in return. We find it difficult to say no. Whether we are nurses, work in customer service, stay home to watch our children, or yes, even Olympians, Black women are all connected in that we know what’s expected of us. From our family and peers to society. It’s unspoken, but learned early, that choosing ourselves first isn’t always a viable option.
On Tuesday, we learned Simone Biles withdrew herself from the 2020 Tokyo Olympics Women’s Gymnastics Final. When Simone Biles walked off that Olympic stage this week and chose herself first, Black women as a collective applauded her and released a heavy sigh of relief with her. How so many of us want to do the same but can’t, or maybe for the first time are doing so and worry what this means for our future. So many of us see ourselves in Simone Biles.
Most Americans were introduced to Simone during the 2016 Rio Olympic Games, but gymnastics fans were very aware of Simone and what she could do. Winning various medals since 2013, she was no stranger to success in her sport. However in 2016, she rose to a different kind of fame. Winning the All-Around Gold Medal in Women’s Gymnastics as well as being part of the winning US Women’s Gymnastics team, Simone was now a global name.
After the 2016 Rio Olympics, Simone was expected to represent her country and bring home the gold again in 2021. It’s what so many of us expected. She’s been called The GOAT or “Greatest of All Time”, as her accolades have earned her that title. Magazine covers, interviews on television and radio, the catapult into the spotlight was fast and I’m sure a lot to handle. At just 19, she became a household name and role model. But most importantly, a young black woman venturing into her 20s. Such an important and vital time to transition into womanhood, and she was now doing it in front of the world.
In my 20s, I worked many jobs that expected so much of me, but didn’t hold those same expectations of my coworkers. In 2020, I left a job that negatively impacted my mental health on a daily basis. I asked for help, to be able to step down, and I was never afforded that option. I was told that it would be hard to get someone else to learn everything I knew and no matter what I did, people would always seek my leadership. I felt sick going to work not feeling I had support in my corner. My needs as an individual were not as important as who I needed to be for the team.
I rarely said no at this job. I took on as many responsibilities as I could. I wanted people to think I could do it all. To be liked by everyone and felt that if I did it all, they would. Except that wasn’t the case at all. I took on many projects, helped everyone on the team, and still was expected to do more. When it started to become too much, I asked to take a step back. I knew that I was near my breaking point and couldn’t take much more. So when that request was denied, I left.
When I took that leap of faith, I was left uncertain about my future. I took a job that wouldn’t pay as well and had less than half the responsibilities as my former role. I was nervous, and sick. What was I doing? Was this the right choice? What did this mean for the rest of my career? Yet, within a week of starting the new job, I wasn’t crying when I left work. I wasn’t anxious to come into my new job. I finally felt…at peace. I didn’t know what would happen next, but I was happy to be putting myself first for once instead of continuing to stretch myself thin just for everyone else to be satisfied.
I can imagine Simone feels the same. After dealing with the ongoing trauma of her sexual assault allegations coming public, trying to lead her team to victory in a global pandemic, and overall the unrealistic expectation to be superhuman, I can’t imagine the pressure of this moment. Do I continue to carry this heaviness on my back for a medal? Do I continue to put myself last? The headlines will simplify Simone’s reasons to leave the competition. They will highlight how she has acted with grace and still continue to lead and cheer on her team. Because still after all she has gone through, she is still expected to smile and say everything is okay, when we all know that it is not. Olympians tend to have the responsibility to represent their countries. They are seen as entertainment and as props. They are deemed superhuman because of their athletic abilities. As a Black female Olympian, the expectations are even higher. The irony is that Simone has put 100% into leading her team and showing up on a world stage for this country, but without her athleticism, her medals, or her world domination, would our country show up for Simone? History shows, most likely not.
None of us in the general public know her personally. We won’t possibly ever know what made her say enough is enough. To say finally: no. Personally, and I know many other Black women feel the same, are wishing her peace and healing. The next steps won’t be easy. Similar to many other Black athletes in this country, once you stop winning games and prizes and money, you stop being as important as you once were. She will always be Simone Biles, but I’m sure ending your career earlier than anticipated comes with its own set of worries. For whatever she does next, I hope Simone knows how many lives she has changed. The amount of little black girls that believe they can do gymnastics because they saw she did. The amount of athletes pushing themselves to be the greatest. The amount of Black women seeing her say “me, first” and feeling like maybe they can too.
As the most decorated gymnast in the world, I hope Simone sees standing up for herself and saying no can be the greatest achievement of them all.
Chantal Johnson 